Today my dad died.
It's January 20th, 2011
I'm sad. I didn't find out he was sick until 2 days ago. Even then the extent was played down.
Today. I found out he died. Yesterday was the last time I would speak to him forever.
Had I known that I would have spoken differently, said that I loved him. That I forgave him a long time ago for not being a dad to me. That I understood now what he was going through. Every single thing.
That I did enjoy the moments that we did have.
That I shared in his looks, had his temper, and from what I hear his aversion to hospitals and doctors.
I write this only about an hour and a half from the time I found out.
I write this because if I wasn't writing this I'd be absolutely hysterical.
I'm angry. I'm angry because my family's excuse was they couldn't get in touch with me to tell me how sick he really was.
This is the age of communication. They are on my facebook, know I blog, have my cell and home numbers, can send me an email, or even tweet me for crying out loud.
I guess they figured that with my dad and I not being all super close that this amount of time would suffice.
He was my father, not my worst enemy.
I'm writing this here because I'm going home as soon as I'm done. I have to get this out of me before I go off on a family member which wouldn't be good for any of the parties involved. So we'll let that go. I'll go home and do whatever I need to and say goodbye to my dad.
I will miss you. I love you, I always have. I know I may not have shown it and for that I'm truly sorry.
It hurts me to my core that I wasn't able to tell you goodbye the way I wanted to.
You have 2 beautiful grandchildren that you will never get to know in the literal sense, but I have a feeling that you will be watching over them anyway.
I pray that you are in a better place, one without pain, without suffering, without doctors.
Thank you for everything.