Today my dad died.
It's January 20th, 2011
I'm sad. I didn't find out he was sick until 2 days ago. Even then the extent was played down.
Today. I found out he died. Yesterday was the last time I would speak to him forever.
Had I known that I would have spoken differently, said that I loved him. That I forgave him a long time ago for not being a dad to me. That I understood now what he was going through. Every single thing.
That I did enjoy the moments that we did have.
That I shared in his looks, had his temper, and from what I hear his aversion to hospitals and doctors.
I write this only about an hour and a half from the time I found out.
I write this because if I wasn't writing this I'd be absolutely hysterical.
I'm angry. I'm angry because my family's excuse was they couldn't get in touch with me to tell me how sick he really was.
Bullshit.
This is the age of communication. They are on my facebook, know I blog, have my cell and home numbers, can send me an email, or even tweet me for crying out loud.
I guess they figured that with my dad and I not being all super close that this amount of time would suffice.
He was my father, not my worst enemy.
I'm writing this here because I'm going home as soon as I'm done. I have to get this out of me before I go off on a family member which wouldn't be good for any of the parties involved. So we'll let that go. I'll go home and do whatever I need to and say goodbye to my dad.
Daddy,
I will miss you. I love you, I always have. I know I may not have shown it and for that I'm truly sorry.
It hurts me to my core that I wasn't able to tell you goodbye the way I wanted to.
You have 2 beautiful grandchildren that you will never get to know in the literal sense, but I have a feeling that you will be watching over them anyway.
I pray that you are in a better place, one without pain, without suffering, without doctors.
Thank you for everything.
Goodbye.
Love,
Your Daughter
Lori
17 comments:
I am so sorry for y our loss and for the way it all went down. I've lost my father as well so if you need anything from someone who's h ad a similar loss please let me know. ((hugs))
You and your family are in my prayers, Lori. God bless. <>
I am so very sorry for you loss! My Dad passed away 14 months ago.
I know how you feel about late news delivery. :( and I'm very sorry for your loss!
I am sooooo sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.
I too wish that your family would have told you sooner. that is not right.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Praying that you would find peace during this difficult time.
My condolences to you Lori. I'm heart-broken that it had to be like this, and that you're having to experience this right now.
i'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.
My condolences go out to you Lori. I will keep you in my prayers.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I would like you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Have a blessed day!
So sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. I'm glad you got to get this out on your blog to clear your mind before you visit your family. You and your family are in my prayers.
I am so sorry to read about your Dad. visiting from Purex. Take care.
I'm so sorry for your loss! You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
That sucks so bad, girl, and I am so sorry. I know no words we say will make you feel better, but just know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Death sucks, no matter what. Stay strong, I hope things get better for you.
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