Today this was posted in the
NSA Bahrain "Family" Group page.
I don't know whether to be
slightly amused
or
highly offended
so
I'll be both.
I'd love to hear your opinions...
All,
Sorry to anyone that my husband and I have offended with our house warming/ carpet
Sorry to anyone that my husband and I have offended with our house warming/ carpet
throw party invite. We came from a Command where there is a clear and strict defined line about officers and enlisted getting together outside of work in NON Command approved functions. Since it was being thrown at our private residence and it was not a Command approved event we were following the Navy guidelines between officer and enlisted. We just got to Bahrain and are trying to meet new families through our event. I understand that this is a small base but however Navy rules on officer and enlisted relationships don’t change from base to base, there should still be that clear line and if that line isn't being set we ALL (officers and enlisted) need to take a step back and follow the guidelines that have been passed down to us. My husband was enlisted for over 9 years and so he has been on both sides of the boat. Officers and enlisted not gathering outside of Command approved functions is nothing new to the Navy so this should not be a shock to anyone. Sorry to anyone who took it personal, it was not our intention to offend anyone, its not our rules it’s the rules set by our past and current President, Secretary of Defense, CNO, Admirals, Generals, etc... We hope that you will understand. We still hope that we can meet new families at our event.
So... Yeah. This is the kind of stuff
we are dealing with.
Pray for me y'all.
14 comments:
I hate that "guideline" and people who take is so seriously. Especially since we have hung out with O's a few times in a non-navy setting and no one has gotten in trouble. Some people take that WAY too seriously. what a crazy lady....
That is obnoxious...
Hmmm... I've always been told that as long as EVERYONE from a command is invited, it's okay for officer/enlisted to socialize outside (dinner, etc) approved command stuff. You cannot, however, invite only some enlisted/officer and still be okay.
However, I may have been given wrong information. I'd love to see the NAVADMIN on this.
I have the same info that wifeofasailor has. As long as EVERYONE is invited there is no problem. We had to get clarification from my husband's LTC.
I think that mindset is pretty common, but it's more of an unspoken thing and not something you say out loud and rub in people's faces. I also thought that as long as everyone was invited it was okay. So, maybe she needs to brush up on her rules and regulations.
The units my husband has been in so far (and he's been in for almost 12 years now) have been similar. But the big difference is if, for example, the company commander is having a bbq at his house he will invite the entire company, enlisted and officer so that no one feels excluded. Or if the Platoon Sergeant is having a gathering at his house, he'll invite the whole platoon. Yes, there are times when enlisted isn't invited and officers aren't invited but it's a rare occurrence (at least for the units Zack has been in). I think maybe you should host something specifically for enlisted spouses at your house in the unit, or set up a spouses day out or something for enlisted spouses only. :) I'll pray for you though ;)
Army reg is the same as what she said Navy reg is. I think it's a lame rule, but I can't blame her for taking it too seriously. There are issues of liability, issues of favoritism and judgment issues if you start co-mingling. It's especially hard (at least in the Army) because it's typically the enlisted folk that get in trouble for it, rather than the O's. It's nice to see an O enforcing the rule. It's a difficult line to cross when an enlisted person's job/promotion/orders are on the line.
That said, as an enlisted wife, I have made close friends with O's wives and would LOVE to have our husbands spend time together. In fact, it just kills me that I can't invite them over for football or some other event.
I would think that it would be her HUSBAND's job to clarify the hurt feelings for the invites, not hers. It makes her look as ifi she's pulling on his uniform and wearing it herself. GOODNESS, people need to get a grip and encourage the rules but not throw them in peoples' faces, either. Sorry you have to deal with this. Thank you for being strong though :)
Wow, yea, I think I'd be a little offended. My husband is an officer but I would still tell this lady no thanks. Maybe it's different between branches but, for us, we mingle with enlisted all the time. I think we hang out with more enlisted couples than officer couples sometimes. And no one has any problem with it!
When some starts a statement with "I hope this doesn't offend anyone," it usually does. I'm not, nor have I ever been, a military wife. However, if I had to live with these "guidelines", my husband would've been given the boot. My parents fought in the civil rights movement for equality, and I would not have been able to live with the apparent separation that this type of thing represents. What she said that really caused my hair to stand on in was that as a new member to the base, she wanted to make sure that the naval guidelines were followed on this base. Being that at one time her husband was enlisted, she has been on the other "side of the fence." She now wants to reap what she thinks that she is owed. What would be awesome is if all of the other "officer families" ignored her invitation. But that would be wishful thinking on my part.
@Sharon, they pretty much have. PS. Not only is she new to the base, but she has only been a Mil-Spouse for a year this past September.... I'll speak more on it tomorrow. Thank you all for your replies... Keep them coming! :-)
I agree with Sharon... when you approach people or a topic the way she did with the attitude and tone she had it's divisive and unnecessary and screams "superiority" (again unnecessary). As an enlisted spouse I have many friends who Officer's Wives, but I have to say I don't think of them as someone else' wife/property. I think of them as an individual. Our husbands socialize frequently: we double date, they come to our house in "mixed company" and vice versa.
This is an issue with lower enlisted and NCO's also. What's at the core of this issue isn't folks think that if I socialize with Cpt So-and-So or SSgt Whozee-whats-it that I don't have follow his orders or respect his rank at work. This is nothing more than douchebaggary. Should my husband bump into aforementioned mutual friends on post, BAM, cue salute (we must all remember are proper customs and courtesies). The point is that as long as everyone knows who's in charge at work there's no problem with the socialization outside of work.
Not for nothing, but I don't want to socialize with peeps who have a stick up their ass, Officer or Enlisted...
I think it depends on the place where you are at, but we mingle with officers and enlisted all of the time. I can see it becoming a problem when it comes to promotion and supposed favoritism, but that isn't her problem. It is her husband's problem. She is just stating her "authority" because she thinks she has some as an officer's wife. False. That is a quick way for her to have zero friendships!
Found my way over via the spouse buzz and was reading back through your posts. I just want to mention something that hasn't been mentioned here. This rule was established, not to promote elitism, but to protect and be fair to our troops. If a higher ranking military member becomes buddy buddy with a lower ranking mm in his command, do you think, when faced with the choice between putting his friend in a dangerous job or position and putting a mm he hardly knows, the higher ranking mm would be biased in his decision? Maintaining a more business-like relationship throughout the chain of command is often best for all involved. That said, this particular letter seems out of place. My eyes pretty much roll out of my head when I hear officers wives saying enlisted wives can't be involved in such and such. As an o wife, I'm close friends with more e wives than o wives. *I* am not in the military and do not abide by frat rules, but I understand they're purpose and place within the military, namely those units who regularly see combat. I realize this may not be a popular point of view, but I just wanted to provide a different perspective-one that I like to think has pretty good reasoning. Hopefully this doesn't pin me as one of those "unamazing" O wives you speak of. ;)
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