So, here I was; doing well. I was eating okay, working out okay, on my way to being healthy, right?
Cue a move to a new place that’s on a canal where there is a ladder into the water for swimming enjoyment.
We’re BBQ-ing, listening to music, having a good ol’ time because we’re happy to be out of the deluxe apt in the sky. Granted I loved that penthouse, it could be a bit overwhelming at times. Too much space, too much cleaning, just too much, but I digress.
Daddy and da babies are floating, swimming having a great time, so I decide to join them.
I go upstairs and get my swimsuit on. Head on over to the ladder, that is metal btw, sit on it, and BAM! It breaks! Not one but both of the rungs and I go down deep underwater.
The guy panics, the kids start screaming, and I’m trying to figure out what the hell just happened. :-(
It was so embarrassing.
I had to use the neighbors ladder to get out, and while I was doing that she came out and was trying to ask me over for tea and how much we paid a month (yes, she really asked); also during all the commotion the Jameson had jumped in the water and was now headed out to sea… Yes. Swimming out towards the Persian Gulf was my weimaraner… (LOL I guess he was trying to escape the madness.) Thankfully Hubs got him before he had gone too far.
Finally we were all out of the water. I took the kids up for showers and to change while the guy cooked. We ate and luckily dinner was uneventful. Since it was the weekend, we let the kids watch a movie. Mr. and I had beers outside and rehashed what had happened.
I told him that it was my weight. Those rungs had collapsed under the pressure of my big ass, I had weighed myself while the kids were showering and the scale registered a whole 205 pounds. He kind of agreed… (arsehat) However, I did appreciate his honesty. It’s one of the things I love about him.
I’m disgusted with myself. I can’t believe that I have let myself get to this… Then to top it all off, the next day my 4 year old asked me why my belly was bigger than all the other mommies. *hangs head in shame*
What am I going to do? What can I do? I can’t live like this anymore. I need help, I need advice. I need something.
I’m so sad. I’m mad. I’m disappointed in me. :-(
9 comments:
I'm sorry that you are discouraged and frustrated. You're in a tough place but I'm sure you can win this battle. May I suggest something that has helped me? I do not have the same struggles as you but I have some goals that I am working on. And a friend of mine who had a similar challenge to yours used this too and has lost a ton of weight. It's called "Fitness Pal". It's online or you can download apps for your phone. I hope it helps! Hugs
the only thing you can really do to fix this is to actually do it.
it is hard.
you have to watch what you eat and exercise.
but i more than anything know how difficult that is.
but i realize that if i'm disgusted with myself then it shows in other areas in my life.
also, why should i be upset if i'm the one who isn't changing anything about the situation?
oh and please don't take this the wrong way, i'm seriously having a discussion with myself on your post ;)
but you can do it. but you have to want to do it. you have to want to work on it because unfortunately the weight doesn't fall off on its own.
good luck!
aww, honey. before you go any further, be kind to yourself. seriously, that's first and foremost. you have to treat yourself the way you would treat a friend; and that's with loving kindness and grace. berating yourself, being disappointed in yourself, none of that will help you progress.
now, after you begin to really, really love yourself, you have to get really, really honest with yourself. i'm of the opinion that weight loss happens first in the kitchen. you have to take an honest look at not just WHAT you're eating (and that's super important) but how much of it you're eating. i think we (as a society) tend to grab hold of an idea and run it in the ground and completely burn out on it. it can be the same way with diet and exercise.
moderation is ALWAYS the key, when it comes to completely revamping your lifestyle. that may mean you need to tackle one thing at a time. as you take one not-so-good thing out (soda/pop, for instance) add one healthy thing in (water, or lightly sweetened green tea). do that for a week before taking out/adding in something else. instead of making your exercise goal an hour a day for a month, make it 15 minutes a day for a week. those small changes become major changes in no time. and you don't run the same risk of being overwhelmed and quitting completely because it's too difficult.
and keep reminding yourself that the goal shouldn't be to lose a certain amount of weight, or wear a certain size; the goal should always be YOUR HEALTH. if your aim is total health, the numbers will eventually be where they're supposed to be--without you even thinking about it. and the same way it takes months and years to fall into unhealthy patterns and reap the consequences of that, it will likely take months and years to intentionally choose healthy patterns and begin to reap the benefits of that. in my personal opinion, though, you begin reaping the benefits much more quickly than you may think.
if this is something important to you, you'll do it. you strike me as the kind of lady who doesn't back down when you're determined to accomplish something. you can accomplish good health!
That is terrible girl, I understand where you are coming from, Don't feel shameful! You can only try where your at, You can also start changing your eating habitats and going to the gym, start off slow and work your way up, don't be too hard on your self.
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Be Blessed
If you find your way to fitness let me know because I'm still trying to find my way. You made me laugh and you made me slowly look down at my forever growing frame. Let's make a deal: We will both do a little each day, even just 10 mins, and eat salads with lunch and dinner. Babysteps, babysteps....
I was where you are. Last January I weighted 214 pounds. I was ashamed and disgusted with myself. But, one day I had to talk to my principal about one member of my department (I'm department chair) and I saw her entering something in her iPad. She was tracking her food. I asked her did she do Weight Watchers, she said yes, and invited me to her meeting. Now, almost 18 months later, I've lost 66.2 pounds. I feel so much better about myself. I've done it slowly and made little achievable goals throughout this process. Right now, I am 4.2 pounds away from my goal weight.
You can do this and no matter what you choose as your vehicle to weight loss, know that it takes time. Don't fall for a quick fix. Remember, you didn't gain the weight overnight. So, you won't lose it overnight. If you ever need any support, I'm here. I know what you're going through.
I've gained weight since having my youngest and even though most people still think I'm small I knowi need to get fit and healthy for myself but it has been difficult. Good luck to you with that and don't be so hard on yourself.
I got serious about getting back in shape after Christmas. I got some clothing items as presents and after having to struggle into, I felt like such a failure. Then there was incident in which Moo asked if I was having another baby. Talk about wanting to hide in a closet and die!
The one thing that has really helped me is cutting out sugary drinks like soda and punches. I try to drink anywhere from half a gallon to a gallon of water each day. I've also cut way back on my fast food intake. And I'm more active. I take the kids to the park, work in the yard and look up easy workout videos on YouTube.
It's not an easy or overnight journey but if you make a plan and stick with it you'll see results. Good luck!
New follower here, so I hope you don't take offense to me putting in my $0.02. But, I do agree with everyone who said you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. This might sound cheesy, but you need to love or at least accept yourself how you are before you can begin to see any real change. That was the biggest struggle for me.
Exercise is also important, but the one thing that a lot of people overlook is eating food in moderation. Something that helps me is eating from smaller plates and with smaller utensils. Also, keeping a food diary helps because it allows you to see exactly how much you're eating. MyFitnessPal is a website/app that helps as well. You can input everything you've eaten or drank and it will tell you the calorie counts as well as other nutritional info for said foods. You can even input exercise if you do it. I just started it and it's helped me lose a couple of pounds. It might not seem like a lot at first, but it's a start and it's helping me slowly change the way I look at food, overall.
Sorry for making this so long-winded, but I just wanted to let you know that you can do it! You have the tools at your disposal and you have plenty of people who will be cheering you on in your journey and, if you want, helping to keep you accountable.
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