I'm mad, I'm irrational, I'm moody.
I feel completely out of control of my emotions
and this scares the shit out of me.
This pregnancy has me going bat-shit crazy.
This kid better be the most mellow kid ever,
because it's taking all my calm and patience.
Okay... had to get that out
and yes, I had to use the word shit.
I don't curse on here often,
but there was no other word really.
Alright then... moving on.
With this pregnancy
I have been a maniac.
I have been happy one minute,
sad the next,
extremely mad after that.
I get so mad that I just cry out of sheer frustration with life.
Here's a recent example...
since The Artist is home from school
and I didn't have to get her ready
I decided to go for a walk early so we
could get our nails done before picking up
The Athlete from school...
So, I leave them in the care of Mr. Sergeant.
He's usually pretty good at these things,
so I wasn't worried.
I come home and shower
he heads off to work.
I take The Athlete to school and we get there
"Mom, I didn't brush my teeth and we didn't have breakfast."
OH WHAT THE FECK!
IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG.
I completely lose my head.
I call Mr. Sergeant at work
proceed to scream and yell
about how irresponsible he is for not feeding
my children and how their teeth are going to fall out because
he doesn't care about their oral hygiene.
Seriously, I was on one.
I get home and I'm still livid.
I'm thinking about how I just dropped my kid off at school without breakfast
and that I'm the world's worst mother for doing so...
I cry because I remember what it's like going to school with no breakfast
I feel awful for my son.
I feel awful for me.
I feel awful for the phone call I made to my husband.
Now... here I sit a few hours later, trying to figure it all out.
Why am I doing this?
Who is this crazy person I've become?
Will the normal Lori ever return, because I don't like this one
and I'm pretty sure my husband doesn't either.
If you've ever been pregnant,
tell me that this is somewhat
semi-even a teensybit
Oh and er... um...
If you're reading Honey, I'm sorry.
I realize that I'm a terror
I pray that it passes. Soon.
I hope that you still love me
that you forgive me
that one day we'll laugh at the psycho
from the past.
I love you and I'm so very sorry.